


Honey

by gin95



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Feels, Changkyun and Kihyun are cousins, M/M, Minor Show-Ho, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 03:34:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20185588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gin95/pseuds/gin95
Summary: Changkyun gets ready for the big day. He can’t disappoint him, not again. So he gathers himself up and regains the last bit of courage he has. Deep breaths. Calm the nerves. He can do this.





	Honey

Suit, ready. Tie, ready. Shoes, check. Sanity, almost halfway there. Changkyun’s nerves didn’t hit him until this morning, because he knew. It was D-Day.

Which is why he finds himself standing in the middle of his bedroom, in front of a big ass mirror, getting ready. He’s so lost in his own thoughts that he doesn’t even hear his friends, Hyungwon and Kihyun, in the background. 

“Kyun, will you be okay?” Kihyun furrows his eyebrows, actually looking a little more concerned as the minutes go by.

Changkyun smiles and reassures his cousin,

“I’m good, hyung.”

_He can do this. For him._

“You think he’s going to be freaking out?” Hyungwon asks,

Kihyun scoffs at the dumb question and says,

“Of course, Won. When does Jooheon ever stay calm? Of all days especially, today?”

Changkyun tunes them out and looks in the mirror, staring at his reflection. He takes a deep breath.

_Yeah._

_He can do this._

_For him._

After re-doing his tie for what seemed like a million times, they finally get going. As the car pulls out, Changkyun’s nerves starts to get the better of him. His hands shake lightly as he scrolls picture after picture on his phone.

Jooheon and him smiling at each other.

Jooheon squishing their faces together.

Jooheon kissing his cheek.

Jooheon sleeping like a baby.

_Jooheon_

_Jooheon_

His mind was full of Jooheon. And it was making his nerves worsen.

Changkyun tries to will his mind to wander somewhere else, as they pass building after building, welcoming them with familiarity. He thinks about all of the beautiful moments that brought him and Jooheon, right here, right now. Changkyun can’t help but smile at the fond memories, especially the night when Jooheon finally told Changkyun that he felt more than platonic love for the younger.

Changkyun was needing inspiration for his song and was stuck in a rut. Jooheon, his best friend of three years, suggested going to the beach so he can relax a little and hopefully take some inspiration from the sunset and the waves. Changkyun opposed the idea, as time was precious, but as soon as he saw Jooheon’s face, he knew he was a goner.

That night, they found themselves sitting on the sand, letting the waves and the stillness come between them. The silence was never uncomfortable, Changkyun actually welcomed it as it provided some sort of familiarity in their relationship. He was about to ask the elder if he was ready to go, but before he can ask, Jooheon suddenly gets up and blurts out,

“I like you Kyun. Like, _like_ you,” Jooheon emphasized the word, “You’re like the mandu of my dreams, wait that came out wrong — fuck, it was supposed to be — ugh” Jooheon’s face turns red as the confession didn’t go the way he had planned it. He rubs his face out of embarrassment, but Changkyun just laughs at the dumb albeit cute confession. He gets up from the sand and confesses that he feels the same. That night ended with them kissing and never looking back, only looking forward.

Thinking back now, it was just like Jooheon to confess with an analogy to his favorite food. Changkyun just smiles at the memory and slowly shakes his head at the ridiculousness of it all.

As they approach their destination, his hands start to shake even more. He was never one to be nervous, never one to be anxious, and never one to be scared. But this has to be the most terrifying day in his 23 years of life.

Kihyun and Hyungwon look at each other with concern behind their eyes, but before they can say anything, Changkyun gets out of the car and starts to greet the people around them, as if they were family.

“Kyun!”

“Hey Hoseok hyung.” Also nodding at the said man’s boyfriend, who also happens to be Jooheon’s older cousin and standing right next to him. People find them an amusing couple. Two buff guys who don’t seem to fit, but Changkyun knows that it only takes a couple of minutes for people to see how their unlikeliness is actually what makes them work. In all the ways, they are complete opposites, yet somehow, those characteristics bring out a cohesive, yet a gentle and loving unit.

Changkyun remembers that Hyunwoo and Hoseok visited their apartment very frequently and while he got along with Hoseok, Hyunwoo was a different story. It’s not like he hated the man, they were just awkward with each other. Hyunwoo was never a man with words and since Changkyun was just born awkward, it made for a lot of silences that were often painful and filled with the ‘weather’.

Changkyun moves to hug Hoseok,

“He looks divine, Kyun. Like a beautiful dumpling,” Hoseok beams.

“I’m sure he does, hyung. He's always been a beautiful dumpling,” Changkyun replies.

He heads inside and sees that a lot of people are starting to take their seats. Hoseok and Hyunwoo make their way up front, while Changkyun, Hyungwon, and Kihyun stand next to each other, as if they were each other’s pillar of support.

Changkyun goes to the front and stands to face the altar. His shaking is more prominent and his breath hitches as he hears the piano.

_I can do this_

Everyone turns to look.

_I can do this_

Deep breaths.

Changkyun couldn’t face Jooheon, who’s now walking towards him. He doesn’t see him beaming, almost radiating, as if he was the sun. Changkyun tries to peek, tries to will himself to look at his beautiful dumpling.

But Jooheon is not _his_ anymore.

Jooheon passes him and walks towards his soon-to-be-husband, who’s beaming at the younger with love. As Jooheon stands at the altar, Changkyun’s finally able to see him fully. He always knew that Jooheon was one of, if not, the most beautiful man he’s ever seen in his life. But with his radiance and smile, he looked even more beautiful. He was practically glowing, if that was even possible. And it was.

Jooheon wore a head to toe white suit, with a boutonniere that included a combination of baby’s breath and a calla lily, and his now blond hair, slicked back.

He was beautiful.

Jooheon turns to see his soon-to-be husband, Minhyuk and smiles. And Changkyun sees it in his eyes. He was happy.

Changkyun releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding, which comes out shakily, but before he breaks down, he feels a hand close his.

_Kihyun_.

Changkyun doesn’t know how, but the elder always knew when he needed support. It’s as if his cousin was connected to him, telepathically.

Changkyun reigns in his emotions and brings his focus to the front.

The wedding continues and as Jooheon and Minhyuk exchange the vows that they wrote themselves, Changkyun can see and feel the love radiating from both parties. They were both humorous and touching and as Changkyun stood as a part of the audience, and not as Jooheon’s groom, he could feel his heart, slowly being torn apart.

And as they seal the deal to become husband and husband, Changkyun’s heart fully dissolves and becomes non-existent.

As they move on to the reception, the trio look for their seats, and thankfully, they were seated next to each other. Not that Changkyun was paying attention. People kept trying to talk to him, and there were even a couple of cute guys that he would have flirted with if Jooheon wasn’t on his mind.

_Jooheon._

“Kyun, stare any harder and they’d dissipate into a cloud of mist,” Kihyun frowns.

“That’s fucking extra, Ki. Let him wallow though. The easiest thing to do is get him to drown in his sorrows, and he’ll be good as new!” Hyungwon slaps his back and smiles at the younger.

“Hyungwon that’s not heal —”

“Ki,” the tall man glares, “the best thing he can do is get it out in the way he knows how, by writing a song and crying his eyes out. I’m just glad he hasn’t passed out or gotten fucking drunk, because if I was the one in his shoes—,” Hyungwon whistles, “—I’d be passed the fuck out.”

Kihyun ignores the tall man and looks pitifully at his younger cousin, who’s currently staring at the newlyweds. He never got the full story of how and why one of the most in love couples he’s ever seen in his entire life, broke up. And he didn’t push. He knew if the younger was ready, he would have told him the reason.

Changkyun was focused at the beautiful couple, who were currently dancing to their song, “Stay With You”. Jooheon was radiating. And so was Minhyuk. Changkyun knew that Jooheon loved him and that he loved him back, still does in his case, but Jooheon never looked at him the way he looked at Minhyuk.

It was as if Minhyuk held the world at his hands. As if he was the most important person in the entire world. As if he was _his_ mandu.

They looked happy.

As the slow dancing comes to a close, and as his bitter heart can’t take seeing the love of his life be happy with another man anymore, Changkyun decides that it was his time to go.

So before he got plastered or passed out, like Hyungwon had suggested, Changkyun finally gathers his courage and gets up to get his closure.

_It’s time Kyun._

_Time to move on._

He approaches the newlyweds, not to curse at them, but to genuinely wish them a happy marriage and a happy life.

“Hyung,”

“Kyun!”

“I just wanted to wish you both a very happy and long marriage,” he managed to croak out.

Minhyuk looks at him sadly, but Jooheon just hugs the younger,

“Thanks Kyunnie. And thank you, for coming,” Jooheon says and moves to let him go, but before he does, he whispers, “You will always be my first love Kyun,” and kisses him on the cheek.

It was a wonder that Changkyun didn’t pass out right then and there, got down on his knees, and begged Jooheon for a second chance. But Changkyun can’t be selfish. He had to do it for Jooheon and himself.

_Closure, Kyun._

He takes a deep breath and pulls himself together. He willed his tears to not come out because he wanted to try, for Jooheon. Putting everything aside, Changkyun smiles and tries to be genuinely happy for the couple.

“And you will always be mine, Hyung.” Changkyun gives him one last smile, hiding the pain behind it.

With that, he moves to Minhyuk, hugging the elder, which shocks him into silence.

“Thanks, hyung. For giving him the love I couldn’t and for giving him the love that he deserves,”

“Changkyun,” Minhyuk’s eyes are glossy, either from Changkyun’s words or from the alcohol. Changkyun shakes his head, as if saying that it was okay, that _he _was going to be okay. They smile at each other, both knowing that while this was an end to his chapter, it was a new beginning in theirs.

Changkyun goes home that night and takes his closure and frustrations out the only way he knows how, by writing a song.

_You know the past was a blast but it never could last_

_Pretty sad when your love got a separate path_

_It's the hardest road to follow (I'm thinking of you)_

_I really wish that I could call you (What can I do?)_

After finishing the song at 330 am, Changkyun finally moves to his bed and scoffs bitterly at the idea of how a three and a half year relationship was able to fit in a four minute song.

He looks up to his ceiling and remembers their last memory together.

Jooheon wraps his arms around his middle, scaring Changkyun because he didn’t hear him come.

“Kyun, you gotta go to bed, babe. This song will be here tomorrow,”

“I will babe, I just gotta figure out this last verse you know,” Jooheon pouts and reminds him of the trip they’ve planned for the upcoming three-day weekend, which was long overdue.

Changkyun sees how excited Jooheon was and grimaces, “We have to cancel, hyung,”

Jooheon’s face goes dark and looks irritated and slightly angry.  
  
“Changkyun,” Jooheon never called him by his full name. It was always either babe or Kyun, but never ‘Changkyun.’

“We’ve been planning this trip for a whole ass month! My family’s gonna be there and I already told Hyunwoo and Hoseok hyung that we’ll be there as well! You keep cancelling these trips and it’s really irritating that you keep putting us behind your fucking job!”

Jooheon was beyond angry at this point. Looking back at it now, Changkyun should have been more selfless, and should have put as much, if not more, time and effort in their relationship as he did with his songwriting. He didn’t see it that way back then.

“What do you fucking want me to do?! I can’t just not write, I have a deadline, hyung, and my boss wants it finished by this weekend, and I know if I go, I wouldn’t be able to meet it,” Changkyun glares at the older.

He knew he was being selfish, now and back then too, but what he didn’t realize was that Jooheon was starting to tire out. He was starting to get tired of the excuses, of being second priority, and of always accommodating Changkyun’s schedule.

Jooheon just sighs and runs his hand through his hair.

“I don’t wanna fight, but I’m going on that trip, with or without you. If you come, great, if not, — I — I really think we need time away from each other,”

Before Changkyun can reply at the ultimatum, Jooheon leaves and goes to his cousin’s place.

He didn’t go to the trip.

He didn’t see Jooheon’s face, full of disappointment and hurt.

Instead he finished his song and got a promotion.

But what he lost, was worth something more. A lot more.

He just wishes he knew that back then.

Back in the present, all alone in his room, Changkyun feels something wet on his face. He runs his hands only to find out that he was crying. He didn’t even cry when they broke up, but now, the unshed tears that he should have had when they fought, when they broke up, and when he saw the love of his life get married, finally comes crashing down.

It’s kind of ironic, almost poetic really. Songwriting always cleared his mind, it was that comforting friend that was always there whenever he needed it, but tonight, it became that annoying person that wouldn’t shut up about the good old days and how he had it made back when Jooheon was his. And how, ultimately, it was his own fault that he lost the one man he completely loved. _Love._

Changkyun continues to sob at this thought and just curls in his bed, wallowing himself in pity, just as Hyungwon had suggested. He didn’t know what else to do but cry at his loss. 

In time, he hoped that the void left by Jooheon, will eventually heal and that his heart will be able to find the same kind of happiness Jooheon found in Minhyuk. And hopefully, turn that love, into love_d._

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Molly by Lil Dicky. I hope you guys enjoyed it!


End file.
